I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
