every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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