Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
