my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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