it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
