i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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