you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
