i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
