Im at strip club and am horny
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize