I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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