Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
