im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
