I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
