Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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