i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
