Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize