I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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