Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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