I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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