My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
