it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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