i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
