you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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