you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
