My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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