He asked to "fluff my boner.."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
