can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
