I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
