What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
