i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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