does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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