Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
