As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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