why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
