Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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