His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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