I got chris browned last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
