sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
