my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
