She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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