I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
