after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
