Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
