I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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