dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
