Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i've created a new STD.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
