smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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