honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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