Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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