It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
