Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
