I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
