it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
as a side note pls kill me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
