Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
