Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
