just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
