don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
