My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
