who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
