i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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