there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize