I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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