i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize