Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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