every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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