I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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