i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
