I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
