Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
