I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
