haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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