honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
