EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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