just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize