I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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