She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
