I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
